Well readers, here we go again with a story that’s begging to be told.

This time it’s a story about an issue I should have written much earlier about – the homeless – aka unhoused – Americans we see and rather not see if we’re honest with ourselves. They’re somehow surviving on sidewalks, at street intersections, under bridges and on park benches and represent every possible demographic. The stories about how they got there and the choices and factors that led them there have been subject to endless debates.

Another part of the story is how we (note that I said “we,” not you) typically deal with the uncomfortableness when encountering homeless Americans. One piece of the puzzle is our set of emotions when we see them. However, the bigger piece, if we’re honest with ourselves, is the range of emotions – think fear, disgust, sadness, guilt, etc. – we hurry away with vis-à-vis “There, but for the grace of God, go I”

Okay, before we get started, please retrieve the mirror I asked you to have nearby as you were about to read my most recent column, “Long lines for women in the restroom!” You’ll need it as you read the rest of this narrative.

Now this story begins in the back seat of our car where I sat as my wife and a family friend were about to pull into a pancake house for breakfast before heading to the airport for her flight to Pittsburg. Suddenly my wife stopped and rolled down the car window on her side. 

“Good morning,” she said to the woman whose blankets and bags were strewn about the sidewalk. Without hesitation she and our friend reached into their pocketbooks for cash and handed it to her. “Thank you so much. God bless you, the woman said.” To my dismay that’s not where it ended.

“Tell us your name,” said my wife, a request that caused me to worry that we needed to get in and out of the restaurant and to the airport real soon not knowing what to expect given the government shutdown and flight delays and cancelations. But her conversation with the lady kept me clock watching, shifting nervously in the back seat and worrying.

Now was the source of my anxiousness really to get to the airport or to remove me from my uncomfortableness in the presence of a homeless person, or both? (Yes, I’m looking in my mirror too).

Suddenly the issue of how homelessness became less about them and more about me and my hair-trigger reactions jolted me into realizing that I was part of the problem and had work to do on myself. But thank God, because I’ve never been homeless, where do I start?

Well, short of giving homelessness a personal try, the next best thing for me was to find out what actual homeless people said about how they were treated by passersby. Fortunately, a previously homeless person in the United Kingdom shared a list of insults thrown at him regularly when he was on the streets:

•             I’m a drug addict

•             I have mental problems

•             I drink too much

•             I molest children

•             If you’re a woman on your own at night I will rape you

•             I’m not intelligent enough to get a job

•             I probably sell my body for drug money

•             Oh, and I’m not homeless at all, I’m just a fake, begging for cash because I can’t be bothered to get a job.

Mirror time readers!

Now setting aside the probability that you’ve never said those things yourself, how many of those thoughts raced through your mind as you read that list? Are there others?

The former homeless person wrote, “I have genuinely heard every one of those when people walked past me. None of them are true, not for me, nor the majority of the homeless population. Some of those things may be true for a minority of homeless people, and that minority may make up the majority you see, but don’t tar us all with the same brush.”

Shifting now to possible explanations about why many react the way we do when encountering a homeless person. Experts say that there are several interacting factors behind our uncomfortableness when passing by a homeless person:

–             Threat detection bias- we are wired to monitor for signs of danger, particularly unusual behavior and appearance.

–             Disgust- Visible signs of poor hygiene, soiled clothing.

–             Attribution– cultural narratives that attribute homelessness to laziness

–             Empathy overload – sadness, guilt, helplessness can be overwhelming.

–             Media framing – news and portrayals that link homelessness with crime.

–             Personal experience- particularly negative ones, shape emotional responses.

So, like Bigger Thomas in Ralph Ellison’s best-selling novel, “Invisible Man,” our typical reaction is to reduce homeless people to invisibility by locking our doors, avoid them by looking away, crossing the street and quickening our pace.

Now for many of the reasons cited here, interacting with homeless individuals can often leave one unsure of what to say or how to offer assistance without causing offense. However, experts say in a world where simple gestures can make a significant difference, understanding the dos and don’ts of communication can help foster empathy and genuine connections. Here’s a guide based on insights from advocates and individuals with lived experiences:

Dos:

1.           Acknowledge the Person: A simple “hello” or “good morning” can go a long way in making someone feel seen and valued. Eye contact is crucial, as it reaffirms their humanity in a world where they often feel invisible.

2.           Open-Ended Questions: Asking open-ended questions like “How are you doing?” shows genuine interest and gives the individual the autonomy to decide whether they want to engage in conversation or not.

3.           Offer Support Without Expectations: If you choose to provide assistance, do so without attaching strings or making assumptions about how it will be used. Whether it’s a pair of socks, a granola bar, or a dollar, your act of kindness can initiate a meaningful connection.

4.           Educate About Resources: Instead of questioning why someone hasn’t sought help, inform them about available resources like shelters, charitable organizations, or local agencies that provide support to the homeless.

Don’ts:

1.           Blame or Judge: Avoid phrases like “Why don’t you get help?” as that can come across as accusatory and dismissive of the complex factors contributing to homelessness.

2.           Attach Conditions: Giving money with the condition that it not be used for alcohol or pressuring someone to go to a shelter disregards their autonomy and the realities of their circumstances.

3.           Assume Shelter is Always the Solution: Understand that shelters may not be suitable for everyone due to safety concerns, overcrowding, or incompatible rules. Respect the individual’s autonomy in deciding what’s best for them.

4.           Stereotype or Stigmatize: Refrain from making assumptions about a person’s character or circumstances based on their housing status. Homelessness can affect anyone and is not indicative of moral or personal failings.

5.           Suggest Simplistic Solutions: Avoid statements like “Get a job,” which overlook the systemic barriers and individual challenges that contribute to homelessness. Recognize the complexities involved and approach conversations with empathy and understanding.

Now in closing and in parting, here’s wishing you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving and, while enjoying your baked turkey, cranberry sauce and mac and cheese, be sure that the realities of homelessness and your mirror are both nearby!

Terry Howard is an award-winning writer, a contributing writer with the Chattanooga News Chronicle, The American Diversity Report, The Douglas County Sentinel, Blackmarket.com, recipient of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Leadership Award, and third place winner of the Georgia Press Award.