(Part 2 of 2) continued from week July 23
Now do we talk about death, life’s common denominator, and the inevitability of our own death? If not directly, vicariously I believe we do when we talk about the growing list of those we once knew who’re no longer with us.
Here’s what several men said about their participation in the 4th Quarter Project.
“Having retired after 40 years as a consultant, at this point in my life I felt that there was something missing. Now I have something else in my life to really look forward to, the 4th Quarter Project.”
“After recently losing two of my best friends, the 4th Quarter group has filled a big gap in my life.”
“For years I’ve been actively involved in my fraternity and Christian men fellowship groups, but unlike those, the issues we explore in the 4th Quarter Project are never discussed in those groups.”
“I’m at my best when I push myself and others outside their comfort zones because that’s where true learning takes place, not only about the issue itself but ourselves in response to that issue. If I’m not uncomfortable I’m probably not learning. The 4th Quarter Project allows that for me.”
As said earlier, I reached out to several wives of members to see what they’ve observed related to their husband’s participation in the 4th Quarter Project. Here’s some of what they told me:
Said a wife, “My husband loves being a member of this group, especially because he recently dealt with a health challenge that led to a personal reflection. For him the opportunity to listen to others has been a powerful validation of “wow, you too?”
“Clearly he enjoys being a part of the group because he talks about it for hours afterwards,” said another. “He hates any schedule conflicts that cause him to miss meetings.”
Said another, “There’s no question about how much he enjoys the group. He’s particularly pleased with learning how much he has in common with other Black men, especially the group’s willingness to deal with issues men typically don’t open up about.”
Taken together, these comments from members boil down into a one-word reason that seems to best explain their collective interest in the 4th Quarter group…..anticipation! And science supports the power of anticipation, and the health benefits it engenders.
A 2015 study showed that anticipating something fun is related to decreased negative emotions such as anxiety and depression. The effect is so powerful that we get more benefit from anticipating a potential positive event than we do from recalling an actual past positive event. The study showed that anticipating something good can even help us feel more positive about something potentially stressful.
The impact is demonstrated on a physiological level. A 2018 study asked participants to anticipate a positive event while undergoing an MRI procedure. The imaging test showed that positive anticipation caused participants’ brains to release dopamine, a neurotransmitter
that results in feelings of pleasure, satisfaction and motivation.
On the issue of health benefits that come with the anticipation of participating in the Project, co-founder Keith Quarles summed it up best:
“For me there have been mental benefits from my participation in the Project that come with unloading things I’ve kept inside and to gauge my health issues against those of other men. It’s also cemented my friendship with other men I know and even enriched conversations I now have with my wife. So yes, do I anticipate our upcoming meetings? You bet I do.”
If anything, the hope is that this narrative is an incentive for others who reside in the fourth quarter of their lives to launch their own 4th Quarter Project, for those who want to anticipate that quarter rather than dreading it.
Oh, yes, one more thing before we go: If Zoom is not your preference, a nearby coffee shop or any other safe space for dialogue would work as well. All you need to bring with you is an open mind and a willingness to share and an interest in learning. Getting started is not that difficult, it’s sorely needed and, yes, it just may add years to your life.
Terry Howard is an award-winning writer, a contributing writer with the Chattanooga News Chronicle, The American Diversity Report, The Douglas County Sentinel, Blackmarket.com, recipient of the Dr. Martin