In preparation for this piece, I read for the umpteenth time the article, “Why Men Don’t Have Friends and Why Women Should Care” and connected that one with recent reports on the epidemic of loneliness sweeping the nation. Now although those readings were race neutral, here’s the head scratching question I was left with: would they have been written differently in some respects if Black men were the single focus of the article and the reports?
That led to a recent conversation I had with the wife of a longtime friend.
You see, to get a gender-based perspective on the 4th Quarter Project – I’ll define that shortly – I wanted to hear her perspective on what groups of women talk about when men aren’t around and, by contrast, what she figured that men talked about when women aren’t around. (We include perspectives from other women further down). Here’s what she told me:
“Women talk about everything,” she explained. “And women, most of us that is, don’t hold back on showing our emotions. But from what I hear, men don’t show their emotions around other men.”
Now while you’re either nodding in agreement – or shaking your head in disagreement – with that as our start, let’s shift to the above-cited 4th Quarter Project, a group of a cross section of African American men geographically and professionally dispersed in the “fourth quarter” of their lives.
We meet by Zoom every two weeks. There’s a vibe about this group of men who’re united around issues impacting our group that’re probably different from other groups of men. Here’s how the project’s founders, Keith Quarles and Marvin Smith, defined it:
“Many men reach the later stages of life with decades of experience, responsibility and resilience—but few spaces where they can talk openly without judgment or pressure. The 4th Quarter Project aims to make those conversations possible in a way that feels natural, respectful and on each man’s own terms. The Project is designed to create space for everyday older men of color to talk at their own pace about the experiences and challenges that come with later life. This is not about fixing problems, giving advice, or asking anyone to share more than they’re comfortable with. It’s about men telling their own stories, listening to others and recognizing that many of the things we deal with in this stage of life are shared, even when we’ve never said them out loud. The idea is simple: create a setting where men can speak honestly if and when they choose, and where listening is valued just as much as talking.”
So why focus on Black men? Well, here’s an opinion that may cause some readers to flee this page and the rest of this narrative like a flock of startled geese.
Arguably, I don’t know of any demographic group that’s analyzed, pilloried, admired or feared more than Black men. Put him on a basketball court or football field he’s cheered and revered – that is until he gets hurt and can no longer fill the stands and team owner’s coffers. Yet, put him on the street corner with young Black men – yes, I’m going to say it – or in the number one seat in the White House, it’s whoa, uh, uh, that’s a bridge too far, the end of Western civilization as we know it.
With that said, off my chest and out of the way, let’s shift now to the fast-growing list of Black men who comprise the 4th Quarter Project.
Although the men are all residents of the fourth quarter of their lives, like any other demographic of men there’s one thing that they’re not…monolithic! Having been reared in such disparate places as California, Massachusetts, New York or in small towns in the south, their perspectives are shaped by those experiences. And the fact is that we all derive in one way or another – some more, some less – with scars from the quagmire of racism that accompanies growing up Black in America. It comes with the pigmentation.
Professionally, the group is made up of well-educated entrepreneurs, real estate and financial professionals, a medical doctor, a district judge, a writer, business owners and retirees.
So, what issues do we grapple with? Well, I’m glad you asked, or wanted to ask.
On top of our list are the health-related challenges that accompany aging. And since life in the fourth quarter means a constant shrinking circle of friends and family members through death, the topic of loss was one that was shared.
What else? Well, occasionally we push the envelope with some topics. For example, our discussion about the impact of adding white and openly gay men to the group was one topic that drew mixed reactions influenced in part by personal beliefs and experiences and where members were born and raised. For example, those raised in the Jim Crow south tended to discuss matters of race and sexual orientation differently than those raised on the West coast or in the northeast.
Now do we talk about death, life’s common denominator, and the inevitability of our own death? If not directly, vicariously I believe we do when we talk about the growing list of those we once knew who’re no longer with us.
Here’s what several men said about their participation in the 4th Quarter Project.
Part 1. – END……..Read CHRONICLE week August 06 publication for Part 2.
Terry Howard is an award-winning writer, a contributing writer with the Chattanooga News Chronicle, The American Diversity Report, The Douglas County Sentinel, Blackmarket.com, recipient of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Leadership Award, and third place winner of the Georgia Press Award.