Sorry to disappoint, but today’s column is not a bait and switch away from Jeffrey Epstein and the mysterious figures whose names are prominently mentioned in the infamous “Epstein Files.” And rest assured that although you will not find my name listed, I’m chomping at the bit interested as are millions of you about the predators who are mentioned (including, ahem, you know who). So, flip back to page one of whatever publications you’re reading or TV station you were watching if Epstein remains your fascination.
No, I’m writing this column today because I just don’t know where else to go for an answer to a vexing question that’s been gnawing at me for quite a while. It began not that long ago when I clumsily stepped onto a political hand grenade by posing a question with an answer today that’s as inconclusive as ever.
The details: seeking hopefully to dispel a rumor that had been circulating about a highly intelligent African American woman I’d known for many years was an unapologetic Donald Trump supporter, I pulled her aside from a crowd of people and asked:
“Given his documented history of abusing and insulting women, how on earth could anyone in their right mind vote for this man?”
Good question, but bone headedly asked. Immediately she went up one side of my noggin and down the other. Stunned by her cussing proficiency, I meekly apologized and headed to the nearest exit while scratching my head about that encounter. Duly chastised, I drove away stuck with the nagging question….why do some identity groups, including women, vote against their self-interest? Is the answer a desire to fit in and gain acceptance, steadfast refusal to believe anything negative said about the guy, a hope to get another “stimulus check,” an implicit promise to maintain one’s racial group’s power and privilege, or something else?
Or – now here’s where I might get in trouble – with regards to men and women, is it because it’s a predisposition related our gender-based wiring, vis a vis, “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’’? Hey, who knows?
Ever since then whenever I’m in her presence we talk about safe topics like the weather, our dislike of the Cowboys, our mutual love for travel, Lieutenant Columbo whatever, whatever, whatever, but never the proverbial 800-pound pink elephant in the room…her lack of an answer to my question about her support for Trump despite his record on his treatment of women.
Of course me being me, like the undisciplined kid of lore who learned a painful lesson by touching a hot stove I dared not to ask her or any Republican woman I knew even a sanitized version of that question again. Uh, uh, no way, no mas! Well, that was until someone else was courageous enough to “go there” for me, albeit vicariously.
That person? None other than John Pavlovitz, author of “The Beautiful Mess” newsletter. But before I get to what Pavlovitz wrote about the source of my angst, here’s some additional context.
You see, unwilling to leave this question alone, occasionally I’ve monitored comments about Trump’s treatment of women in social media for clues and possible answers. And sometimes I “baited my hook” with a lure relating to Trump’s behavior just to see who would bite.
Bingo, I didn’t have to wait too long.
Like the Black woman I posed the question to above, I didn’t make too many female friends when I dropped that question into social media, many of whom said some not so nice things about Mr. Nice Guy, eh, yours truly. “Neanderthal”…. “dope”…. “libtard” …. “fool” and the middle finger icon topped the list of those most printable in this column.
Oh, I’d be less than honest if I didn’t mention that a few women were far less angry at me and cited Trump’s stance on immigration, Supreme Court appointments and business acumen as maybe party line reasons for their support.
As I suspected, comments from men were few and far between. I imagined many of them high fiving and yukking it up in laughter at one of their foolish “brothers from another mother” getting raked over the coals for asking a question that many wouldn’t dare to ask. But to be fair, one of the few men whose comments I took seriously while others were laced with snarky sarcasm, thanked me for posing a question he wanted to ask but was hesitant to do so.
Okay, where was I? Back as promised to John Pavlovitz and the related question he posed to his readers. Here’s an excerpt from what he wrote:
“Knowing that over eighty percent of women have experienced sexual assault or harassment in their lifetimes, it makes sense that tens of millions of men in this country would be among the rabid, cultic base of a serial predator like the sitting President. It is an act of self-preservation, a propping up of one of their own. As pathetic and sad as that is, there is still a perverse logic to it.
What I can’t fathom are women who have seen all they have seen over the last decade: the “p-grabbing” bravado, the incestuous remarks about his daughter, his prolific adultery, his porn star affairs, and his vile comments about the female politicians, entertainers, and reporters who dare oppose him, and who remain unwavering.
It’s impossible to make sense of mothers with daughters who’ve witnessed him being found liable for sexual assault, watched him gleefully take away women’s body autonomy under the law, and work tirelessly to prevent the release of files that would almost certainly expose decades of his pedophilia, rape, and child trafficking—and who’ve chosen to double down.Despite this expansive resume of personal and legislative violence against girls and women, an inexplicably large number of his sycophantic disciples are female. Which all begs the question: how in the hell is this possible?”
Well, on second thought, perhaps I need to amend what I said at the outset that this column won’t be about Jeffrey Epstein. Because in any serious conversation about the awful treatment of women, his name would be squarely in the middle along with P. Diddy and other miscreants.
I’m left with an admission that an answer to such a complicated question remains as personal as it remains elusive. And politics aside, it also is, or should be, a national reckoning on the complicity, silence and lack of accountability for the deplorable treatment of women.
Now before I close, I’ll leave you with other “hot stove touching” questions to noodle on; why are lines with women waiting to get into restrooms in airports, convention centers, stadiums, etc., often twice and sometimes three or four times long as lines with men? And men, when you exit those restrooms what thoughts go through your mind when you look into the faces of those women you passed by on the way in? By comparison, what goes through your mind when you’re confronted by the undeniable realties these days of the horrific treatment of women?
Ouch, that stove’s kinda hot, huh?
Terry Howard is an award-winning writer, a contributing writer with the Chattanooga News Chronicle, The American Diversity Report, The Douglas County Sentinel, Blackmarket.com, recipient of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Leadership Award, and third place winner of the Georgia Press Award.